For assistance with the care of aging parents, please visit www.sanfrancisco.comforcare.com or www.ltcep.com/blaskie for help in the San Francisco, CA area.

Caring For Parents

Written By : The Caring Space

Original content HERE.

After relying on mom and dad for everything from extra cash to career advice, have the tables turned and do they need you as badly as you used to need them? If so, you’re not alone. According to a recent survey by the AARP, approximately 44% of Americans are caring for elderly parents and that number is only expected to increase as the baby boomers enter their golden years. With this in mind, many adult children are trying to figure out how to take care of aging parents who can no longer take care of themselves.

The best thing you can do is to prepare in advance so you understand your parent’s wishes and are well educated about community resources that can help you provide your parents with the best possible care. However, many adult children just aren’t prepared, have no idea where to start looking for help and maybe aren’t even exactly sure what kind of help they need. If you fall into that latter category, don’t worry. Take a deep breath, exhale and read on.

1.  Identify your parent’s needs. Make a checklist of essential needs such as bathing, cooking, cleaning, errands, groceries, and companionship. Writing it all down and, if possible, getting input from your parent will help you determine what is crucial and what isn’t.

2.  Accept and enlist help early on. Identify community resources (many are free or operate on a sliding scale) meet with siblings and/or other family members to determine who is going to do what; ask for help from neighbors, friends and extended family members.  Don’t martyr yourself and make the mistake of trying to do it all. Ask for and ACCEPT help.

3.  Important documents. Make sure your parent has an updated and valid Will, a durable power of attorney and advanced directives which include a living will and a durable power of attorney for health care.

What follows is a way for me to deal with the past two weeks.  Writing my thoughts down has always helped me in difficult or emotional times.  First I put down on paper my thoughts and then modify my immediate feelings and I get through the issue.  My mother passed away last Wednesday and I am dealing with that now and will be for some time to come.  The hospice decision was right one for us.  It may not be right for you but you may learn a little about the process then make your own decision.

I choose Odyessy Hospice for the care I have seen them provide others and as far as the personal care for my mother they did very well, there was a disconnect at the end that left me with some discomfort but overall the experience was a good one.

The rains of yesterday have passed and Sunday has started with plenty of sun and a promise of the 70’s in early afternoon.

My mother continues on her journey to a peace that she has look forward rooted in her fervent Catholic beliefs. If their is a heaven she will certainly be there.  Having worked with many hospice patients my experience certainly helped me with this journey but until you live through it with a loved one you do not realize the total of it all.

Last Monday at the hospital following a multitude if tests, with the pain she was enduring from the diabetic wound that just would not heal and all of what she was enduring and  trying to keep her comfortable.  The second relapse in four days convinced me that her quality of life had deteriated to a point that if she could have she would have told me to please end this for her.

Early Tuesday I spoke with the doctor and we both agreed mom’s quality of life wouldn’t justify any more extraordinary efforts.

My experience in helping family and patients with end of life decisions always had a hospice option and generally it was the right decision. Last Tuesday I made that decision and while I had some family support when you sign the paperwork it gives you pause to reflex on the seriousness of your action. That day was highly emotional with me questioning my decision and the position I was in to make a life or death decision on another human being.  Meditation and tears describe how I got through last Tuesday & Wednesday.

So here I am today going through the end with my mom and I do want to share these last hours and perhaps days to help others who may go through this journey.

To all those family caregivers I am happy I am here for my mother,  my other siblings are thousand of miles away but I can feel their emotions as I go through this.  Mother’s present situation is peaceful, lots of sleep, no apparant pain. She hasn’t eaten in eight days and her body is going through the shut down process. She no longer appears to recognise anyone but I am sure she is somehow aware that I am with her.

We give her some water on a sponge to her lips but there is no attempt to swallow the fluid it is difficult for me see that has the last chance for recovery is not going to happen.  Suprisingly though changes are occuring with her,  the edema swelling is gone, her vitals have improved and are better now than for the last ten years.  Her skin color has improved dramcatally and her hands and feet are warm to the touch and skin tears that happened in the hospital are healing.

Mom has not had any of  her 16 perscription in over a week adding to my my discomfort over her perscription management and the lack of a central perscription database for patients.  Much of my mother’s deterioration of her health can be attributed to to problems with medication mismanagement.   She had 26 perscriptions when she moved in why me and we wittled that to 16.   I wonder how toxic her body was over these years.  In trying to  battle infection over the past month we could not find antibiotics for my mother that would work long term for her.

As I sit here I feel good about my decision as I see how peaceful she is now.  To all of you who read this please get to know how hospice works before you get to the day that you may have to make that decision. Get counsel from professionals and discuss with loved ones.

Need Air? Open a Window Into the Alzheimer’s Soul

By Paula Spencer, Caring.com senior editor

Stories of how people with Alzheimer’s spark to creative activities involving art, music, and literature are fascinating to hear – and even more so to witness. Better yet, arts activities make life less stressful for dementia caregivers, which is why I can’t revisit this topic enough.

Some examples:

• When my son played guitar for a group of residents in the dementia wing of a nursing home where his grandpa lived for rehab, one woman prone to violence and wandering restlessly planted herself in front of him to happily dance and dance.
• A friend recently told me her mother, who has advanced Alzheimer’s, mostly sits locked into her own silent world, until her daughter plays church hymns on the piano. Then Mom sings every word, clear as a bell.
• Alzheimer’s disease turned actress Rita Hayworth anxious, aggressive, and confused – except when she was painting flowers, a hobby she took up late, and with gusto.

Continue reading HERE.

Visit www.sanfrancisco.comforcare.com or www.ltcep.com/blaskie for information and assistance with home care for an aging loved one in the San Francisco CA area.